Kat Von D...say what?

So I couldnt even keep going for one day. Real commitment I have. But Im trying to get all this work done for school and staying up late every night and blog posting is not helping. So yesterday was my 2 year anniversary and I didnt get to see my boyfriend :(. I can not believe it has been two years already that is insane.
So I have been reading the Kat Von D Book. High Voltage Tattoo. It is amazing. I love every word she writes it amazes me. I love reading about her life and people she finds inspiring since i find her so inspiring. I already have 2 posters of her on my walls. i want to get the seasons of her show on dvd but have no cash flow. i cant wait to get her second book either. She just is an inspiration in the fact that she started doing what she loved at 14. 14 years old and she just kept with it and  never has been classically trained. Thats who i want to be. No not a tattoo artist but a photographer . I want to take pictures i want to make it my life. I want to be the one who captures everything in its beauty or pain. I want it! I have no clue how to achieve this at all but i want to do it. i want people to see my work in a museum or on the cover of a book. i want people to remember there wedding day and say these pictures were amazingly done. But it is all a pipe dream. Well i have to get to homework.

"Music is the wine which inspires one to generative processes, and I am Bacchus who presses out this glorious wine for mankind and makes them spiritually drunken."

- Ludwig Van Beethoven

Pray for Me- Sixx AM

Idk What this face is but yeah. 

Bye

Back and ready for action (maybe)

So looks like I havent posted since I dyed my hair. Wow almost 3 months ago. As an update about my hair. I love it now and wouldnt change it back. Though my hair didnt change anything about m life like I wanted it to.
Anywho Ive been secretly struggling with alot lately. More than anyone knows. I havent been able to tell anyone the way i feel anymore because no one understands. Everyone has an opionon. Alot of old things have been brought back up in my life. And between me and you I wish they would all end. Seriously cant I have a good year. Haha I guess not. Everything piled on me in the last few weeks. tables of contents verion of my story....1. Unit Plan .....2. Anthony......3.Joel.......4.The dilemma over if i actually like someone or if I just think maybe hell treat me better and get attached......5. My weight as always.....6. my mom......7.Gary...........8.My photography....9. Ashley. These are in no specific order at all. My life has never been a smooth walk but it was never this rocky. These rocks are starting to get sharp and pointy and being to hurt. To the point were I break down and cry in the shower everyday because I cant cry normally because people would think I was weak.

But now that I have elimanated number 1. 82 pages later and sucessfully I think , 2. becuase that ended before it started even though I still think about him all the time. 4. has kinda of been solved.

The rest Im dealing with the punches as they come. I dont want to get into detail now about them because each one hurts and will take a long time to write out. At a later time all of these will probably come out again anyways and I will tell you the stories.

So on a better note i want to set new goals for myself again since I achieved none of my goals from time. First goal is to loose weight, always my number one goal and never happens, I need an exercise buddy to help me burn this fat off. But my goal is to loose 25lbs before june. I would like to get a new tattoo on hip bone or maybe on my neck havent decided yet. But if I get it on my hip i need to loose mega weight.

My second goal is to read. i use to read all the time now that Im in school I obsessively watch gilmore girls. Im making a small goal to read ten pages a day. Ten pages is nothing, it will take ten minutes and Im going to keep track on her how much I do actually read.

My third goal is crochetting. I started a blanket over the summer and have not really worked much on it since I got back to school and really should. So my goal is get 5 lines done a week. Might not seem like a lot but it takes an hour to do one line because this blanket is mega huge.

My fourth goal is take more pictures. I dont care if I take a picture of the same thing everyday. I have to get more pictures done. I hate this lack of in touchness I have lately with my photography, it sucks. My goal is 7 pictures a week. They dont have to be good. But I have to have seven pictures. One from everyday is ideal but im not gonna get picky and they cannot be pictures of me. They can be of my friends of my room of the road anything just not of me. unless its an artistic picture of me. These 7 pictures will be put on my project 365 blog. Which I have to overhaul and start over.

So since Ive been gone a while a new picture of me is fitting.

The song for today is really just a song thats stuck in my head and my relate to my relationship status slightly.

Hate how much I love you _ Ne-yo and Rihanna

I hate everything about you- Three Days Grace

Well peace out until tomorrow hopefully.

Sam a lama ding dong.

Changes

Changes.

Webster describes Change as to make something in particular different or to make something radically different. Lately I feel my life is going through radical changes, I guess it is. With school beginning again. I feel the separations between me and Joel again. I feel the lost connections. I really hate these feelings. What am I suppose to do? Im so lost and wondering if this change in pace needs to change or if I should wait this out.

So I dyed my hair. I changed my physical appearance. my hair my crowning jewel is gone. I lost me. I want to be someone different. Someone stronger. Someone with a strong sence of self. I don't want to be walked all over anymore. I don't want to have to deal with being treated like crap. Like Im not needed. Some people treat me well and I am so thankful for the people who do treat me right.

Rawr...Its been awhile.....

 Basically have been very bored lately. Nothing really going on since me and Joels went out for our birthdays. He did lie to me about something but I caught him in it and we talked about it and its ok now. I really wish the jealous side of me would go away. I wish it would revert and become something else. But whatever.

Tomorrow were going to Avatar which should be a nice start to the day. Atleast I hope so. Life seems to help us get better and then it changes and we get thrown into his bad funk again. wtf . I guess its the ability for us to work it out that matters.

Wow this is really short but I dont have much to say.

 

Stay Away

- The Honorary Title

(Enter your title here)

So lately Ive been really into watching One Tree Hill. Now I know how lame that must sound but I like the show. If you've ever seen it then you know Peyton Sawyer is obsessed with music. As I would like to say I am. But I know that Im not even close to the amount of music I want to know. So I have added a new goal to my list. I want to be able to say that music changed my life this summer. I want to discover more. I know with my project 365 blog that Ive kind of already doing this but I want to learn more than one song a day. I want to feel like I have a personal relationship with my music. I want to have a mood and be able to put on a song to match it.

So I have found two site to help me achieve this one is a list of 100 songs to save your life. This is something mention by peyton in and episode of One Tree Hill. The next is One Tree Hill Music. With these two sites it will help me to develop a broader spectrum of the music I listen to. One Tree Hill is known for the amount of music played and featured in it. And this playlist should help me discover music for my moods. Im hoping to make it through all 100 songs and through 2 episodes of music a day from OTH.

I do not have a prize set up for this goal because I think that just being able to music collection will will a prize in its self.


Other than Im not really feeling like anything today. Kinda pissed because I havent been getting called into work but watever. Im excited because in two weeks Im suppose to be going to see one of my friends for a week. That's majorly exciting.  I havent gotten to see her since school let out so it should be fun. And to see some other people who live around her form school that I miss also. It should be fun but that not for 2 weeks. Ugh

The problems me and Joel have been having have quieted down a bit but I wouldnt say there better. Weve discussed some stuff and fought a little bit. Weve kind of came to an understanding. It just all hurts alot. But I have to understand that hes 18 and he shouldnt be tied down to me just because I live with him. But he has to realize that I also not his slave Im his girlfriend and hes suppose to want to spend time with me. I feel like weve had this fight before. Weve had it over and over again. Everytime we come up with a solutionwe work on it for a few days and then it disappears again.


But anyways other than that not much to report I have read 630 pages so far which isnt that bad. This does not count the book I am currently reading. I dont see any physical sign of weight loss but Im working on it. I have been trying not to over eat. And my photography, well if you look at the other blog I went out two days ago and did another shoot that brings me to 3 so far this summer.

The Mixed Tape

Oh and i totally just noticed that on two of my blogs I posted the same song. So I have decided to post two songs today to make up for that.

Until The Day I Die

Updates Updates Updates.

So I am really bored right now. Im waiting so that I can go to the movies and out to dinner with my boyfriend our birthdays! Im really excited we never do anything just me and him. I mean technically this is only are second "date" the whole time we have been going out. I mean in a year and a half we should have went out more. I just want to spend time with him. I hate always having someone else around. SO anyways were going to see grown ups which looks like a really good movie and then to Applebees. I just wish the time would fly by so we could leave.


So on my goals. I read 70 more pages yesterday I am very close to 600 so far for the summer. I am currently reading Beautiful Dead by Eden Macguire if anyone cares. On my weight I went for a walk yesterday with my mom. And I have been trying to not eat all the junk food that I have been intaking lately. On my photography , I took like 3 good pictures yesterday. I do not know if I am considering that a shoot or not.

Todays seems to feel like its dragging on. Ive been sitting here for 15 minutes and it feels like ten years. I just want two hours to fly by but it wont because for once Im excited for something.  Alrighty well I havent eaten today so Im going to go get some food in me.

Kiss the Girl

June 23, 1991, I mean 2010

Today is my 19th birthday. Yay me. not. I worked today from 9-3 which wasnt bad it actually went pretty fast. Then I went to Starbucks and got a free drink. But now Im sitting at home alone because my boyfriend left. He told me hed be gone about a half hour maybe and hour tops to finish his work up. Its been two hours. I mean this is bullshit. I cant do much for my birthday in the first place because I have work at 8 tomorrow. but he could atleast be here, after he picked me up late from work. UGGGGGH.


Anyways I have decided to make some goals for myself. Thinking maybe if I actually post them on the internet I may follow them.

- Read 4,000 pages this summer. I have now read around 400 pages. Ill get an exact number when Im done with my current book.
             -I have no clue what a reward for this goal should be. I was thinking maybe buying some clothes. like one of these t shirts I really want but wont buy because there 36 dollars and I think thats insane for a t shirt.

-Next goal is to fit back into an 11 by the end of the summer. Ive gained alot of weight this summer and it really disappoints me. The way I eat in this house is horrendous. Now I know I said in one of my first postings I was going to eat better but I really need to now. I want to lose atleast 15-20 pounds by the end of the summer. So how am I going to do this well I will weight myself tonight and see how much I weight. I will not post how much I weight on the internet but I may post a picture.
                 -Then for every 5 lbs I lose I will post a picture of myself. I think for every 5 lbs I lose I may buy something little from hot topic, like jewelry or something. Now if I reach my goal I want to buy Kat Von D's new perfume and I will get new clothes. 

-My last goal is to have fun and do atleast 10 shoots this summer. I do not know with who or what, but I really want to do more. I have one completed so far. This goal includes my project 365's both my blog one and my actual account. I need to start posting pictures everyday whether there just photos of me or not.
                   - My goal for this is printing my pictures and making a portfolio with them so maybe I can find a job with them or just to have them nicely packaged.


So I have decided that these three things are very important to me this summer. They are all attainable goals this summer as long as I put in effort.  The hardest one will losing the weight. But I am sincerely going to try to lose it. I may slip and fall but I can always get myself back on track.

Always- Salvia 

This song has been stuck in my head all day!