Insomnia

I have no clue why I am awake right now. This weekend between friday to know I have gotten 5 hours of sleep and have more than enough time to sleep for more than that I just cant sleep. It sucks. I really really would like to sleep. Not happening.

Ive been trying to figure out how Im going to spend this summer. Im trying to get a job but my mom is a let down as always. I mean jeez women do what you say your going to for once. I get it youve had it hard but I mean ugh. You wonder why Im never around.

As for the other situation Joel  basically has decided that if I have to leave then hes leaving to and theyll never let that happen so this week is going to be nice and stressful.

SO basically right now Im trying to write again. I use to write little stories all the time in high school. I have never actually finished anything but hey Ill give it a try again I guess. I mean what else is there to do at 5 am when you can not sleep.

Short sweet and to the point, basically whats happening right now with me. A few sentences, a few words, nothing much to really explore. I have not decided if I am going to post my story online yet or what I will do with it but Ill post something about it when I decide hopefully I can focus.

Me and Joel just hanging out yesterday. Dont judge me I have no make up on. Even with that love this picture and him!

The song for this morning is a celebration for him over coming so many medical problems recently and winning the apprentice. I will forever be a die hard poison fan! My mom always says I was born in the wrong decade.

Nothing But A Good Time

Fuck this shit!

So Ive always tried to be a good person. Ya know and do the right thing. I dont get how Im the one always getting screwed over by people then? I found out yesterday that Im being kicked out of where I live. I have no clue why this would happen. Since I got home from school Ive done nothing but help out around the house and Ive been keeping it pretty damn clean at that. I do all of the laundry, I mean come on what the hell am I doing wrong. You really are kicking me out because YOU ruined my shirt when we told you not to do the laundry. Do you understand that I do the laundry when Im here. You guys are never here and you decide that because you come down here for one week and stay here your in charge, that you know how everything works? Well guess what you dont. Its not right at all.

You guys have no clue as to what your sending me back home into. You have no idea about the shit Ive been put through all my life. Do you understand that my mom has a new boyfriend and Im scared to go home. I mean I have no reason to judge this guy he seems nice but I dont know him. He doesnt know me. I dont want to be in a house with him. And then some kid has been staying in my room since I left. Its still my room but it doesnt feel like it anymore. Its not my room. I havent slept in that room in forever other people have been.

Then on top of all this I have to wonder where me and my boyfriend are going to stand after all this shit goes down. When I was in school we fought all the time and since Ive been home things have gotten so much better. Were barely fighting. I mean come on what the hell did I do to deserve this shit? Im so scared this is going to break us up its not even funny. Im so scared were going to be torn apart.

So right now Im really really hating life. Everything about it. I need help. I need answers. I really wish this wasnt happening because I dont want old habits to resurface as a result of this. Im just so scared.

such an old picture but it basically describes how Im feeling. My mouth is hut because I cant do anything about this. My face is surprised but you can tell Im hurting inside. Then if front of all that it says I love you because Im hoping we can last through this.

So im leaving you with this song.  

If you only knew- Shinedown 

Summer Time?

So schools over thankfully. Time to relax ,right? I dunno about that. So Im going to be working with my mom soon, need I say more lol. Its in a daycare and will look good on my resume when I apply for teaching jobs. My problem is that I have plan for how I want all of this to work out but then again I never follow any of my plans. My ideal thing would be to put away half my check each week. Then take half of whats left and put that towards things I need for school . The rest will be my in pocket money. Now for this to work I would need access to my bank account. My problem is that its a joint account with my uncle because I have a student credit line and needed a co-signer. But if I put my money in there I do not want him to see everything I am spending and stuff.  I just dont want someone to be able to watch over my every move, ya know? I think I have a pretty wise plan here but like I said I really do not want someone else seeing how my money is being spent.


As for the rest of the summer Ill basically be home , hanging out with my boyfriend and stuff like that, oh what a joy. I dont really talk to anyone much from high school anymore so when Im home I really do not have much to do.  I do talk to one of my friends but she has a full time job and soon I will too and its really hard for us to see each other. My other friend is moving to mass. so were trying to hnaout as much as possbile now but thats still very sad.


As for my photography I really want to try to do one shoot a week. Will that happen, slim chance. I dont have models. And Ive taken so many photos of the scenery of rensselaer its getting tiring. I hoping though I can steal my brother, and maybe even Joels little cousin, and Ashley most likely and get some done.

Idk how this summer will play out Im just hoping that its not as boring as the past week has been.


So on that note I leave you with a random songs by the same name but different songs and photo.
 Summertime and Summertime